Occasionally, my fiancée wakes up and tells me I did some horrible thing in her dream. I always respond with, “holy crap, I’m so sorry; I’m such a dick!” I’ll tell you how to make a heartfelt apology that can save your relationship, your job or your company.
1) Truly see the other person
More often than not, people just want an acknowledgement that their frustrations are valid. This is where an ounce of empathy goes miles. Being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes means that you can HONESTLY say something like:
“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry. That is so frustrating.”
“That sucks. I totally understand why you’re so angry.”
“You have every right to be mad. What an awful experience.”
You can do this even if you don’t believe you’re responsible for whatever they're upset about. Step one, in any situation, is to validate the other party’s humanity. Everyone deserves to be happy and move through life with a minimum of friction, even if that’s not actually possible.
2) Suggest a plan of action to reduce future occurrences
Like, anything. You’ll let your manager know what happened so this doesn’t happen again. You’ll talk to your engineers so that this doesn’t happen again. You’ll talk to your dream self so that this… you get the idea.
In many situations, you aren’t responsible for the thing that happened to the other person. But when your response is “nothing I can do about it,” the other person walks away feeling that you / your company doesn’t care and they, as a class, don’t matter.
3) If you have the ability, offer to make it right
If you’re the CEO or employee or romantic partner who messed up, it’s probable that you can make things right. So do it. Recognize the impact of your actions and sort it out.
At the end of the day, a real apology is about making a person feel seen, validating their emotions and making them feel like they matter. In a continually dehumanized world, these small moments of empathy have increasing power.
#startups #CEO #bestpracticies